"Even now, it feels as it did that first moment I came out of isolation---
shaky and fragile, I continue to hold both grief and gratitude, and
some days, the tears pour out more easily than the laughter, and
other days, joy is deepened by the gravity of what we've been through."
The Comfort of God's Silence by Grace P. Cho
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Ten years later...
Each morning I wake and each night I lay down, I see the picture on my nightstand of the two of us. It's my picture memory of a great love between us...dad & daughter. You taught me so much about life, family & myself.
I am so grateful that I retired when I did. I treasure the times that I visited the summer of 2011 and had the chance to spend time with you despite the hardness of your illness. I wept for you...and for us because I knew I was losing you daily to your illness each time I visited.
My days of earthly living is still a struggle but our God sustains me. Music helps. You always loved to listen to any of my music, and we danced wildly at times. HA! My go-to memory is of you and Garrett doing the "Brightsville Shuffle" to some music being played at the home. The picture brings a BIG smile to my face. My phone's lock screen displays the picture.
I LOVE staying home since retirement. Oh the plans we made some years before my retirement of the two of us and projects. Several days may pass, and I have not even left the house. Your love of the outside flows through me as I work in the yard.
On days when I work outside I feel that you are right there alongside me. We are digging in the dirt, planting or pulling weeds, or just walking around looking at what beauties God has given me to tend. The four o'clocks you brought from SC and we planted are still beautiful. They have multiplied greatly.
I talk to you while working. I hear your voice in my heart and bring to mind the outside life teachings you shared with me about yard work. There is a Navy gnome that sits on my patio outdoor shelf; and when I am sitting and resting on the patio, I see it and...there you are. Also, I can see you from my kitchen table on the large pine tree where the "tree face" is there. One of your boots is at the base of the tree. You were so funny! MOLE!!!
It seems like yesterday we were exploring in our waders along the creekbank & Kistler's dam. We had been gone about 15 minutes when through the climbing vines you got your foot tangled up and fell...slowly & backwards. Even though a branch poked through your waders, we were thankful that it did not impale your thigh area. Then we got you up and had a little laugh. Those walks were so much fun.
Thank you Heavenly Father for my Earthly Father, Frank Goodwin. I am so grateful to have been chosen to be his daughter. I love him so much.
Soon, very soon Dad.......
Love,
Rat Eyes
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I only have to close my eyes & memories flood. Here are great treasures...
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I only have to close my eyes & memories flood. Here are great treasures...
- "MOLE!" ... gotta have that finger under the eye
- when you and mom caught me & Huey riding around when we should have been at the movies. Ha!
- When I would always make it home just seconds before curfew...whew!!!
- your magical popcorn
- snow ice cream made from fallen snow scooped off of our cars
- riding the horse you bought
- gathering eggs only to drop them when I came upon that snake...harmless...yeah, right
- driving that tractor around the land. Remember when the girls from Lander came home, and we rode around so much.
- you bringing me pomegranates from your Suburban Gas driving days
- Breeden's Grocery sausage...yum
- homemade ice cream...sitting on the churn as someone turned the crank handle
- slugs on Patterson Avenue backdoor steps
- Family Swim Club...trying to beat you swimming across the pool
- sliding down the pine straw hill. Ginger even slid. We had enough cardboard for the entire day
- when y'all came to Lander, and we went to the mountains
- Garrett seeing his first real snow! It did not snow at your house but it did in Blenheim so you drove us to an area where Garrett could play. He had such a good time...and with you. Thank you dad.
- the day you taught Garrett how to do "The Brightsville Shuffle". That picture is a favorite treasure.
- Walking through the woods on a trail that you had made with the golf cart
- wading through the creek in our waders
- Looking at, counting, polishing your pennies
- Looking at your Navy log book and hearing of your Navy adventures
- taking a picture of Garrett & Samuel wearing your Navy uniform...Garrett still has that 3 photo frame of the pictures in his office
- riding with you in the country for you to tell me stories from your memories
- visits to Dothan, and you insisted upon me having a "list of things to do"...so much fun
- the four o'clock seeds you brought and we planted at my house. They multiply & bloom every year.
- the two of us working in the flower beds in Dothan
- long walks through my neighborhood here in Dothan
- The monkey bars on Patterson that you put in the yard for Frank & me...and tetherball.
- Oh that tire swing in the backyard! Boy would you push us up high in the air.
- the year that you & Skebby climbed our pecan trees and painted the cut limb spots black
- riding my bike to Mrs. John's for piano lessons...ugh!
- our neighborhood plays in the backyard little room
- Yard-leaves pathways in our playing and ditch-leave forts
- Gilmores Store & Fred Quick Store
- crawling under the Patterson house
- you giving Garrett "rabbit tobacco" to smoke...that picture cracks me up!
Planted deep in my Memory Garden and
watered daily with my tears.
